Life After Death? You Bet
by OverLordy
Summary: When 17 year old Maya dies an untimely death, she believes that she will move on to be with her family. How wrong she was, when she woke up in the Naruto world in the hands of the Akatsuki! Pairing undecided. Rated T for language and violence.
1. In Which I Die A Horrible Death

Chapter 1

People believe there is no life after death. That they move on to Heaven or Hell, to be with past family members and friends. I used to believe this too, lying awake many a night wondering.

Where would I go after I died?

Of course, no one knew. No one could come back to life and tell them. Some believed that you lived another life, born into another body with no recall of your past. But maybe there was nothing after death? Maybe you just stopped. The world had nothing for you after that. Maybe.

But, I was just about to find out.

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O

Tuesday, September 9th.

2001, New York, NY.

The World Trade Center.

8:40 a.m.

I walked through the courtyard of the Twin Towers. Many employees littered the steps up two the two large front doors of one of the towers, fitting in a breakfast before work or finishing up something. I stood at the front, gazing at the fountain and the sculptures.

I pushed open the wide doors, and immediately sound reached my ears. The low drone and honking of cars stuck in traffic was replaced with the eager chatting of people and the gentle 'ding' of the elevators. I couldn't help but gaze in wonder at the high ceiling, the clean floors that had your reflection, and the beautiful granite walls.

Though I had been in the World Trade Center many times, I still couldn't suppress the amazement and the sheer awe for the huge, 110 story buildings.

Tight in my left hand was my mom's lunch, which in her haste for waking up late (again), she had left upon the counter. This was a normal thing for me. I walked up to the receptionist, who gave me a bored look before handing me a visitor's sticker and waved me away. I shrugged my shoulders, nodding politely to some of the other workers, before catching an elevator up to the 70th floor of the North Tower.

Once there, I wandered the halls until I found my mom's office. I knocked, hearing the small call of 'come in' before entering. I had walked in on one of my mom's meetings once before, and she had not been pleased.

"Hey, Mom," I said, placing the lunch on her desk with a cheeky grin upon my face. My mom hit her forehead with her hand, laughing. "I forgot it again, Maya? I felt like I was missing something when I left," she said.

I rolled my eyes, "You should keep a buzzer. It would go off every time you'd walk out the door without your lunch."

My mom smiled. We were exactly alike, with dark hair and brilliant blue eyes, (though my hair was longer as it went down to my waist) and pale skin. My dad had died when I was seven in a car crash, and my mom was still single. She just couldn't remarry after my father.

"You're such a good girl, Maya," she said.

I grinned, "I know I am. Do you need anything else? Or do you want me to high-tail my ass out the door and stop bothering you?"

My mother scoffed, "Maya Rachel Monroe! Don't use such language! I don't want any of my damned bosses to hear you!"

I put on a look of mock innocence, rubbing my toe against the ground and pouting in a chibi way. _"Gomen-nasai, Okaa-san…"_

My mom rolled her eyes. I was very obsessed with anime and manga, my name favorites being Higurashi, Rozen Maiden, and Naruto. Naruto was at the top of the fangirl list currently, being the thing I screamed over like 'normal' teenagers with Twilight. Yuck.

I flashed my mom a peace sign, winking, "Well then, I hope you have a good day at work! Give Nasty-Ass a hard time for me!" Nasty-Ass's actual name was Nastiyaz, but it sounded like Nasty-Ass so my mom and I called him that behind his back. He was a total ass, pun intended.

My mom opened her mouth to reply, when suddenly the whole building shook. There were collective screams from the hallways, and my mom leaped to her feet to look in the hallway. People were running to-and-fro, screaming their heads off. I walked to the window, opening it and looking above me.

I don't know who screamed, it might have been me, because the top floors of the skyscraper were on fire. There was a gaping hole, and a plane had crashed into the towers. There was another rumble, and the top floors of the tower had begun to sink.

"Maya!" my mom screamed. I turned away from the window, grabbing my mom's hand as she shepherded me through the mob of people fleeing the tower. There was another rumble, and everything froze.

"The other Tower was hit!" someone called, and immediately all chaos broke loose. The tower was caving in on itself, and smoke was wafting in from the hallway.

I coughed, tightening my grip on my mom's hand. My eyes watered, and I couldn't see a thing. I felt my mom's hand slip from my grasp, and I yelled something but I couldn't hear my own voice. I coughed again, holding my hand over my nose and mouth as my mom shouted over the heads of the crowd as they swept her away.

There was another scream, and a sickening crunch as a banister fell from the ceiling and cut off the people. I plowed forward, forcing my way between bodies as they made towards the elevator. Someone hurled themselves from a window, screaming into the day.

The tower rumbled again. I could only see hazy outlines of those in front of me from all the smoke.

"Maya!" I heard the familiar call, and looked up. There was my mom, forcing her way to me. I realized I had lagged behind, and was at the end of the crowd. She wove a comforting arm around my shoulder.

The tower gave another rumble, and I felt myself slip as the floor below caved in. Pipes broke, and my mom and I fell a good ten feet into a mass of bodies. We were quickly scooped up, and ushered through the hall. There was the elevator, but my mom hurried me past it.

Suddenly, the Tower began to lean to the right. It was going to fall. I stared, fearful, at my mom. We were too high up to still make it.

My mom smiled at me. Tears were streaking down her cheeks. Her smile said, 'It's going to be alright,' but it wasn't. I knew. I sniffed, wiping my own eyes and reaching into my shirt. I pulled out a locket, and opened it. There was me, my mom, and my dad, smiling in a picture; unknowing of how our family would be torn apart. Mom took out an identical necklace, and nodded. We turned toward a window, hand in hand, and jumped.

I had cuts all over my body from the glass, and my eyes streamed as air rushed into them. I turned my body over, looking to my mom who had done the same. The drop was achingly slow. I had closed my eyes, and seeing my life flash forward like a movie in a millisecond for me. It was too short. I still wanted to live it out, to see the sights the world had to offer.

I still hear the crunching of bones as my body had hit the ground. That was something I will never forget.

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O

Death had come easily to me, as it had taken me into its warm embrace. I was content, happy. Not a care in the world.

I had heard a small voice, 'Open your eyes' it whispered. But I didn't want to. I was in a blissful state, floating freely. The voice repeated, stubborn, and wanting. I frowned, wanting to remain in the state I was in. I didn't want to see the world, filled with death and chaos as it was.

The voice repeated itself, and I finally succumbed. I opened my eyes, and felt my body thud against the ground.

Nothing surprised me more than what I saw in front of me. Green leaves stretched to the sky on trees that I had never seen that tall. Sounds of wild animals and the twitters of birds reached my ears, and I breathed in a foresty scent that no air freshener could copy.

Was this Heaven? No. I couldn't see my mom, or my dad anywhere. I was alone.

The events that had occurred before my untimely death struck me like a train, no, like the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs. I buried my head in my hands, too distraught even for tears. Would I ever see my family again? I realized that I wasn't scratched up, and I could breath just fine. I was still dressed in the GIR hoodie with a black tank top, jeans, and gray converse. Weird.

My head snapped up, and I leaped quickly to my feet. I stared hard at a bush that had rustled. "Who's there?" I called. I tried to sound as demanding and important as possible, but my voice shook. Fail.

I tensed, ready to run as fast as I possibly could. Then a little bunny hopped out of the bush. I groaned, hitting my forehead with my hand.

"You're such a worry-wart, Maya," I grumbled to myself. Hey, when you're stuck in a forest, alone, with only who-knows-what for company, you tend to get a little crazy.

But, then I felt something metallic latch around me. I screamed, wriggling back and forth.

"Will you hold still, girl?" a voice growled. I opened one eye, which I had shut tight in my fear, and peered down. Something that looked like a metal, scorpion-like tail had wrapped around me, and I was dangling from the air. Wonderful.

"Sasori-no-Danna, are you planning to turn the girl into a puppet, un?" another voice asked boredly. My eyes snapped to a man walking towards me. He had long blonde hair up in a ponytail and bangs covering his right eye. There was something metal behind the bangs. He wore a black cloak, with a red cloud design on it. Oh. Shit.

Just my luck I had fallen over 10 stories, died, and landed _somehow _in the Naruto world. And also just my luck, note the sarcasm, I had happened upon the Akatsuki. Not good.


	2. In Which I Meet Team ArtsyFartsy

Chapter 2

"I said hold still, girl!" Sasori barked as I wriggled once more. I sent him the most evil glare my eyes could muster without me breaking something in my body. Trust me, it's happened before. Wasn't pretty.

"I would _gladly _hold still, Pinocchio. It's _entirely _my fault that I'm so incredibly uncomfortable in this," I snapped. Wow, I should be sued for this amount of sarcasm used in one sentence.

Deidara raised an eyebrow at me, and I snapped my not-so-threatening gaze to him. To me, it was my if-I-try-hard-enough-I-might-actually-kill-you-rawr-fear-me look. But to a ninja, it was probably this-is-all-I-can-do-because-I-have-no-power stare.

"What're you looking at, Blondie?" I growled. A vein ticked in Deidara's forehead and he opened his mouth to reply, but got a sour look from Sasori.

"She has no chakra signature, but there's this odd form of energy coming from her," Sasori growled, tightening the tail around me which caused me to gasp. "She'd make a fine puppet."

I started to freak out a little bit. When I got nervous, scared, excited, embarrassed, all that stuff, I tend to stop using the fleshy pink object in my skull called a brain. "Oi! Put me down right this instant, puppet-boy! Get your red-headed ass out of that tank you call a puppet and face me like a man!" I snapped. Sasori froze, slackening his grip and letting me fall to the ground onto my behind.

"Ow," I grumbled, rubbing my sore buttocks as I stared up at Sasori with an eyebrow raised. I got to my feet, crossing my arms.

"How did you know that?" Sasori growled. I chuckled nervously, realizing I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Um… Wikipedia," I said with a small smile. The puppet only advanced on me. Obviously he didn't know what Wikipedia was.

"Hey, Blondie, help me out and I'll give you a life time supply of hairspray!" I called, backing away from the angry looking Pinocchio. Deidara merely raised an eyebrow.

My eyebrow twitched, and I jumped away from Sasori. Obviously Deidara wasn't expecting it from Sasori's statement about the chakra, because I tugged the band out of his hair and fired it at him. I may be slow as possible, but I had killer aim. The band hit the blonde Akatsuki member right between the eyes. "HEADSHOT," I snapped, before leaping over a small rock (because I wanted to look cool) and darting away.

"Ha! Score one for Maya!" I said, while running into the forest. Deidara chased after me, but after a while I seemed to have lost him.

"Stupid Blondie can't keep up!" I smirked to myself. Then I realized- they were _ninja_. As I complained loudly to myself, I tripped and landed in something soft.

I looked down, realizing that soft thing was a clay bird and that thing I tripped over was a tree root. "Cursed thing, I shall have my revenge, someday!" I grumbled. Then I stared at the bird. Wait, clay, bird? That meant one thing.

"Damnit! Where's Blondie?" I grumbled. Then I let out a high pitched squeal as the bird under me poofed into a bigger model. Deidara stepped out of the shadows, followed by Sasori. I turned, realizing that the clearing I was in was not far away. So, my large mind (sorta) made the conclusion that during the small time I had ran, Deidara made a clay bird, somehow moved that tree root there, and laid waiting. Damn ninjas!

I turned, making to slide off the bird but Sasori's tail pushed me back up.

"Hey! Let me off, OP!" I snapped. Sasori kept his puppet-face passive, but I was telepathic enough to guess what he was wondering.

"What's OP, un?" Deidara asked, shooting me a weird look.

"Obese Pinocchio, of course," I answered loudly, giving him a peace sign.

Deidara raised an eyebrow, while Sasori tried hard not to inject me with some lethal poison. "Tell me. How did you know what my real body looked like?"

I rolled my eyes, like that was the most stupid question in the history of stupid questions. "Wikipedia, did I not say, OP?" I huffed, "it's the magical land where a mighty wizard called Internet and his helper, Forums, answer all your questions!" I said, with a cheesy grin and the magical finger-twiddling.

Deidara smacked his forehead, and Sasori twitched. I shrugged.

"Well. Since you're hesitant to cooperate, I suggest we take you over to Leader," Sasori growled. Maybe he wanted the best possible torture ever to befall on me.

"What? Am I not good enough for your silly little poisons, so you decide to take me over to pumpkin-headed metal face?" I snapped. Sasori's gaze darkened, and I sweatdropped.

"We're definitely taking her to Leader," Sasori growled to his blonde partner, who was staring at me skeptically. Damn, I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

"Uh… can I pass?" I asked with a hopeful smile.

Sasori ignored me, "Take her up, Deidara. I want to make sure she doesn't escape," the puppet said.

"But, Sasori-no-Danna, what if she does something to my masterpiece, un?" Deidara asked. I huffed indignantly.

"Hello? I'm still here, alive and breathing, y'know!" I said, leaning over the bird to knock on Deidara's noggin. I swear I heard echoes.

"Whoa, is there anything in that hollow head of yours?" I asked, "Maybe if I shake it around a bit…" I reached my hands toward Deidara's head, but was swatted away by his hand.

"Don't touch me, un!" he snapped. I muttered something about shaving his head in his sleep before sitting on the bird.

Deidara huffed, before jumping up with me. "Can I tie her up, Sasori-no-Danna, un?" he asked.

"Go ahead," Sasori grunted. Deidara grinned evilly at me, before reaching over with a rope in his hands.

"Oh, no way, no fucking way are you tying me up!" I snapped. I backed away from the advancing Iwa-nin, only to find myself pushed to the edge.

Deidara grabbed my wrists, tying them together, and none too gently, of course.

"Damnit, curse you! And curse all of your children, if you don't die a lonely, cold death!" I snapped. "Which you don't," I muttered under my breath, "it'll be nice and warm for you…"

Deidara sent me a deadly look, "What did you say, un?"

I sniffed, "I ain't tellin' you nuffin! This is your punishment for tying me up," I snorted.

"Hurry up, Deidara," Sasori called. In that time, the puppet had poddled about fifty yards away.

Deidara nodded, before speeding up the clay bird. Soon, we were flying over the head of Sasori-no-Puppet.

Then, the sound of screams once more came to my ears as I peered over the edge of the bird to the ground below. The feeling of the glass scratching against my skin, the wind rushing into my face, my mom's hand clamped in mine…

Soon, I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I was hunched over, burying my face into the clay bird until I soon couldn't breathe. I had covered my ears with my hands, which was hard since they were bound, and thrashed back and forth.

I felt a pressure on me, something that rolled me over and pinned me to the bird. I gasped in air, but kept screaming. "NO! NO! LET ME OFF THIS DAMN THING! I WANNA BE ON THE GROUND!" I screeched.

"Will you calm down, un?" Deidara snapped. I opened my eyes, which were blurred by the tears on my cheeks. Deidara was pinning me to the ground, with my wrists over my head and he was sitting on my gut. Lucky him I wasn't a huge fangirl, otherwise I probably would have molested him or something.

"Let me off of this bird, Deidara," I muttered, sniffing. I hated crying. I hated sniveling up to the terrorist even more.

"Please?" I muttered. He looked down at Sasori, before lowering the bird and letting me roll off onto the ground.

When I landed, the contents of the small breakfast I had had before my death had unearthed from my mouth and onto the ground. I let out a dry sob, spitting out the taste of bile and rolling onto my side.

I heard talking, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes, letting myself slip away like when I had died. But, this time I had slipped away into an uneasy sleep.

Me: Wonderful! This chapter… not as long as the first. I wanted to continue it, but meh.

I realized we haven't done the disclaimer! DEIDARA. YOU DO IT! Or I'll get Hammer-san…

Deidara: No… Starpelt does not own Naruto. She only owns Maya and other characters she makes up.

Me: Good boy.

Deidara: Help me…

Me: *pushes away Deidara* Ignore him, kiddies! Read and review, OR FACE THE WRATH OF HAMMER-SAAAAAAN! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	3. In Which We Have Music Time

Chapter 3

I awoke later, but I desperately wanted to fall back into that blissful state called sleep. But the sleep-fairy was already flying away.

"Nya… come back, Fairrrrrryyyyy…" I muttered, reaching my hand out to absolutely nothing. But in my mind, the sleep-fairy blew a raspberry and flew away laughing.

"Curse you, Fairy. Curse you and your Fairy-home and all your Fairy-eggs," I muttered.

"Oh good, she's awake," a sarcastic voice intruded my dazed thoughts, and I opened my eyes just a peek.

"It was so nice when it was quiet, un," another voice sighed.

"Shut up, you Artsy-Fartsies," I muttered, before rolling to the left. I squeaked and was given a full wake-up as I faceplanted. I had apparently been on the back of Sasori.

"Ow. A warning would have been really nice, Pinocchio-san…" I grumbled.

"Get up," Sasori growled. I sniffed, curling into a ball.

"I don't want to. The ground is too comfortable. Better than your bulky puppet ass," I muttered.

I felt something tug me up none too gently into the air, and I gasped as the breath was squeezed out of me as Sasori's tail tightened around my midsection.

"You will watch your tongue around me, girl, or I _will _cut it out," Sasori snapped before dropping me back onto his back.

"Did your mother ever teach you how to be polite?" I muttered to myself. Sasori gave me a warning look and a stuck my tongue out at him.

As the afternoon wore on, (slowly, I may add) Sasori and Deidara had eventually put on those giant frying pans called hats.

"Woaaaaaaaah…" I muttered, reaching over Sasori's head to bat at the bell.

"DING DING," I screamed, and continued to bat at the bell at the speed of light. Sasori growled, and I hesitated.

"Ding?" I said in a small voice, ringing the bell again. Sasori growled again, and I retreated once more to his back.

Once more there was silence, and now the sun was sinking behind the treetops. It bathed the blue sky in a pink hue, lighting up the small clouds that drifted across the sky.

It would have been nice, if I wasn't facing a lifetime of torture and was stuck with an obese puppet with social issues and a blonde pyromaniac whom _insists_ that he is male. I'm not even sure Mister Puppet believes him.

Already there was little daylight left, and I peered at Sasori. "Can we pull over? I'm tired. And this is a very uncomfortable bed. And look, even Dei-Dei is tired," I grumbled. Just then, the blonde terrorist stifled a yawn. I thought he would be able to go longer without stopping, but obviously Sasori didn't think so highly of his partner.

"Fine," the puppet sighed, "Deidara, we'll make camp here. Scout ahead," Sasori commanded. Deidara nodded and trudged off through the undergrowth.

That left me alone with Sasori. I yawned, before sliding off the puppet's back and stretching my stiff legs. "Well, it's been nice, Pinocchio, but I'm going to call a quits. It was nice meeting you!" I said with a happy wave with my still tied up hands and beginning to walk into the shadows of the forest.

I felt something slam into me, driving all the wind out of me and pinning me up against a tree. My back stung from the harsh contact. Note to self: watch out for trees. They're after you.

Sasori was suddenly in my line of vision. His beady little puppet eyes glared daggers up at me. "Tell me what you know about the Akatsuki," he snarled.

I snorted, "Tell you everything. Then what? You'll just kill me! I'm not telling you anything, because I know I'll just die anyways!" _Or, that's what I think should happen to me. I'm already dead, right? _

Sasori narrowed his eyes at me, removing the tail and letting me slump to the ground. I winced, feeling my back. I should have bruises there… lovely.

I looked up, seeing the metallic tail right in front of my face. The sharp tip dripped with a purple liquid that was unmistakably some kind of poison.

"I'll tell you again, girl. You better watch your tongue, or I _will cut it out,_" He snapped.

"My name is not _girl_, it's-" I was cut off as Sasori drew away and settled in the center of our small 'camp', just as Deidara trampled noisily to us.

"There's a town a couple of miles east, but there are no ninjas. They shouldn't be a problem, un," Deidara said. Sasori nodded.

"Good, we can get supplies in the morning," Sasori grunted, "We need extra provisions for our little _guest._"

I huffed, turning away stubbornly. There was a long silence, the only sound being my struggle to get off the ropes. I was reduced to gnawing at them. I was a champion un-knotter at home; no tangled cords could fare against me, but dang. These knots could leave the whole Boy Scout teams of America baffled!

"Are you hungry or something, un?" Deidara asked. I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"No!" I said defiantly, and my stomach gave a contradicting growl, "Okay maybe…"

Deidara rolled his eyes, and handed me something that looked like a riceball. I prodded it with a finger, "You didn't poison it, did you?"

"I wish I would poison it, but you're too valuable," Sasori growled.

"Aw, thanks Pinocchio!" I called, batting my eyelashes. Sasori ignored me, and Deidara only plopped the riceball in my lap and undid my hands.

"I hope you won't run," Deidara muttered, before plopping once more beside the fire.

"I'm not _that _stupid!" I snapped. Really, I was thinking about running. Then it was squashed by the giant foot of Deidara.

I muttered something irritably, picking up the riceball and sniffing it. Meh, wouldn't hurt, would it? I just hoped Sasori was being truthful. So, I plunked the riceball in my mouth.

I chewed thoughtfully, smiling. Not bad…

Then I was up on my feet, running around and screaming, "HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT." I ran over to the fire, tackled Deidara then picked up a canteen or whatever you call them of water. I slurped it, twitching, and then sighed.

Deidara rolled his eyes, "Don't eat it all at once, it's spicy," he said. I shot him a sour look.

"Thanks for the tip, blondie!" I snapped, before plopping down like a good captive back at my spot under the tree.

There was silence for a long time. And I don't like awkward silences. It just makes me want to shoot the person (or people, in this case) causing it. What? Don't want to kill myself over an awkward silence.

So, I decided to sing. Now, in my opinion my singing voice is like the warbling of a cat with a frog down his throat. Yep, that bad, so I decided to use my horrible singing skills for torture.

_"I've got no strings,_

_To hold me down_

_To make me fret_

_To make me frown! _

_I had strings, but as you can seeeeeeeee_

_There are no strings on me!"_

Sasori's theme song is possibly the best for him, especially since a vein was ticking in his forehead. Wait- do puppets have veins? Weird, I'd have to look in on that in the future.

Deidara was biting his lower lip, letting out stifled chuckles. I grinned evilly at him.

_"That, that, DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!" _I sang. Deidara's head whipped around at me so quickly and so… painful-looking-ly, that I winced. But I kept singing.

_"That, that, DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!" _that was really all I knew of that song.

Two verses were enough, because Deidara had stomped over and pressed a kunai to my lips. I tried to move my mouth, but the blade just cut into my lips.

"I suggest you shut up, un, before I blow you sky-high!" Deidara hissed.

"You would kill me though," I pointed out. Deidara chuckled.

"I think I know what of my art would kill you or not, un," he said with a cruel smile.

I gulped, "Message received, captain, no more singing your guys' theme songs."

Deidara walked away, satisfied, and I lay down and gently touched my lips. Owie. Then I smiled evilly.

_"BABY BABY BABY OOOOH~" _I sang… or screamed.

_"Will you shut your mouth?" _Sasori snapped. I smirked triumphantly, knowing well that Justin Beiber would be stuck in their heads. I lay down, stifling giggles as Deidara hummed to himself, and then scowled.

_This will be a fun time with the Akatsuki, _I thought to myself with a chuckle as I drifted off to sleep.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o..o.o

**Me: Oh, I enjoyed writing this :D And sorry guys. I was up in Big Bear for Christmas. ^^'' I just got back last night. It was fun. 8D**

**Deidara: Oh, falling on your face when you were skiing was fun?**

**Me: Shut up, blondie. BABY BABY BABY OOOH~ **

**Deidara: GAK *blows self up* **

**Me: Sorry for any head trauma I caused my lovely viewers because I used that song. :'D I couldn't resist. **

**Merry Christmas, you guys! **

**BEIBER BLAST HA D:**


	4. In Which I Meet Team Zombie

Chapter 4

It was official. I hated my life with a thorough passion. Why couldn't I be peacefully in some form of heaven, with my mom who was probably wondering where I was.

Barbie-Doll, Actual Doll and I had been walking forever. _For. Fucking. Ever. _And I was not a happy camper. Why couldn't I have woken up somewhere nice? Somewhere like Konoha? Where no one (hopefully) tried to poison you, blow you up, spear you with their silly little tail, or again, blow you up.

"Yo, Thing One and Thing Two, can we, I dunno… _stop?_ I don't have the endurance of an almighty shinobi like you two, if you haven't noticed," I snapped, wriggling my wrists uncomfortably. After I had stolen some of Deidara's clay and threatened to eat it unless we stopped, Barbie got all pissy and decided to tie my wrists.

God, is it just me, or do both of them PMS? I've been so bored, I decided to count death threats. Since I first woke up, Deidara threatened me 48 times, Sasori 13. You could tell who was more level-headed…

Anyway, Sasori ignored me (no surprise there) and Deidara turned to stare at me. "You're tired, un? We've been going for about a half hour." He sounded surprised. Wow. I must be really out of shape. I have to work on that. Maybe Barbie-Doll here can supply me with some physical perking-ups.

"I'm from America, baka. If anyone can walk for a half-hour straight, with no water, their considered insane," I snorted. Deidara gave me a weird look, like a cross between trying not to laugh and a 'you can't be serious' face.

I felt my eyebrow begin to twitch. "Dumb blonde," I grumbled. Deidara snapped at me to shut up or he'd blow me sky high, but I waved him off. His threats didn't scare me. Sasori's, on the other hand…

"Both of you will shut your mouths before I take my tail and thrust it through your abdomens, poison you with a paralyzer, then drop you in a lake and tell Leader that you both fell in and piranhas ate you," he growled. Damn, he sounded serious.

Deidara seemed to shrink, whereas I stared curiously at Sasori. "They have piranhas here? Weird," I huffed. Sasori growled, I meeped, and shut up. Deidara: 49, Sasori: 14. Isn't life just peachy? Especially with absolutely wacko criminals who would murder you, if they could…

And, there we were. Again. Walking until I felt like my legs were going to fall off and run away screaming.

"FML," I muttered unhappily, "God, why? Why must I be stuck with Mr. and Mrs. PMS?"

Deidara turned and gave me a long, agonizing, head-ache inducing rant about how he was, in fact, _male, _that he did not have a menstrual cycle, and therefore did not PMS. Though, coming from him, it was more like.

"DEIDEI ONLY PRETTY BOY. ME HAVE BOY-PARTS. ME NO BLEED FROM NONEXISTANT GIRL-PARTS." At least, that's what my mind translated…

Sasori seemed about ready to follow through with all of his threats, and after hitting Deidara in the back of the head with his magical tail of magicalness, and possibly giving him a concussion, we continued walking in silence. That is, until Deidara decided to give me death threat number 50…

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O

Note: Do NOT call Sasori's art stupid. It may have you in a month-long coma. Then you'll wake up with no limbs. I learned this from experience, kiddies.

Now, you probably all want to know about my near-death experience, right? Well, dear readers, your wishes are my command!

It all started one dreary, cloudy day… a half hour from where we left off. Sasori reported to his little leader about me, and P. Pain (P for pierced) said that if they didn't get their scrawny little asses into gear, he'd send Team Zombie over to take care of me, because apparently Team Artsy-fartsy had a mission to do.

I, really, did _not _want Hidan and Kakuzu on my back. Why? One: Hidan is annoying. Two: Kakuzu scares me. Three: I do NOT want to be tentacle raped and/or sacrificed to some form of satanic god.

And, to my luck, Sasori and Deidara got into an art argument. If you're wondering how it went, dear readers, it went a little something like this:

"Art is fleeting, un."

"Art is eternal."

"Art is fleeting."

"Art is eternal."

"Art is fleeting, un."

"Art is eternal."

"Art is fleeting, god dammit Danna, un."

"Art. Is. Eternal."

I got annoyed after a while, and screamed at them both to shut up, to 'agree to disagree', and to leave their little married-couple spats for later.

Now they were both mad. Several bruises and 15 death threats from Deidara, 3 from Sasori later, we had once more fallen into a silence. Until, I decided, to bring up a very _touchy _subject.

"Pinocchio, why do you like puppets?" I asked, waiting patiently for a response. When Thing One decided to ignore me, I huffed and kept talking. "I mean, that must be an unhealthy hobby. Puppets are fucking creepy, and I have an irrational fear of them… Along with dolls…" I said, watching the obese form of Sasori hobble along.

"Still, might I suggest a new hobby? I mean, puppets are kind of stupid, especially because-" I didn't get to finish my sentence, because Thing One whipped around, his tail flying out and halting, right in front of my face.

"If you want to live to see another ray of sunlight, you will not finish that sentence," he growled. I stared at him, wanting to push it, but I feared for whatever life I had now.

He gave me a hard whap on the side of the head with his tail, and I felt a headache coming on. My vision began to swim.

"Ohoho~! Look at all the pretty stars," I cooed, before falling flat on my face, unconscious.

Fuck my life.

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O

Apparently, when you're being held captive by the Akatsuki, it's the norm to wake up with pounding headaches. It was like a thousand little-teeny-tiny men decided to have a bongo party in my head.

I heard distant voices, most likely Team Artsy-fartsy, and some familiar, yet not so familiar voices.

"Is this the bitch? She's quite the looker! Look at the size of tho-"

"Finish that sentence and I will hurt you," I hissed, sitting up slowly and rubbing my temples. I had a lump the size of a golf ball where Pinocchio hit me. "I hate you all so much."

"Bitch got spunk!" I heard, accompanied by roaring laughter, and turned my head to stare flatly at my newest captors, Team Zombie.

Hidan was watching me with a hunger, which made me feel very, very creeped out. Kakuzu was talking with Fatty, and Barbie was watching blankly. I shot him a vivid glare. The bastard only smirked.

Mouthing threats to him, I suddenly felt Mr. Stitches grab onto my shirt collar and tug me up. None to gently, I may add.

"Let's get going. We're wasting time, and time is money," he grunted. I shot him a look, then shrugged and followed. Oh, this time will be fun. Note the sarcasm.

KARMA, WHY MUST YOU HATE ME?

Starpelt: I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY DEAR READERS. I lost MS Word, and I only got it again yesterday. Dx *sobs and dodges tomatoes thrown at her*

Deidara: Oh shut up. It was a nice vacation while it lasted... Now we're stuck with the crazy author, un.


	5. In Which I Kick Ass

Chapter 5

Note of the day: Hidan and Kakuzu argue worse than Sasori and Deidara.

Seriously, I counted a total of 34 arguments about fairly random subjects since Fatso and Tranny decided to hand me over to Stitches and Albino. Several of those arguments were about how and how not beef should be cooked, why the sky was blue, and if the little cloud under the big cloud looked like a rabbit or not.

At about five o'clock in the evening, I finally had some peace and quiet. Hidan was reduced to grumbling under his breath, because Kakuzu had threatened to remove all of his limbs and scatter them across the Land of Fire if he didn't shut up. Thank you Stitches!

Now, my wonderful and- hopefully saner than I am- viewers, you're probably wondering. 'Hey Maya, in the first two or three chapters, you were a hyper little bundle of vomit! What happened?' Well that question can be answered with another question. Wouldn't _you _go through a dramatic personality-change if you were trapped with crazy, yet insanely good-looking, criminals, who were pretty much leading you to your obvious demise? That's what I thought.

The sun was beginning to sink behind the treetops, bathing the three of us in a vivid red glow, lighting up the sky and shining directly in the corner of my eyes and giving me a horrible headache. I jangled the rope connected to the rope binding my wrists, which Kakuzu carried like a very crude leash. The silence was starting to get to me. I contemplated something, which would surely only end in my demise, but I could only grin at what my lovely mind came up with. Two words:

_Annoying songs._

Creeping forward, grasping the rope-leash so they wouldn't notice it go slack, I peeked over Hidan's shoulder, surprised he hadn't noticed my new invasion into his personal bubble yet. That's when the song-based torture began.

"_I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee,_

_Here they are standing in the road,_

_big ones, small ones, one the size of your head!"_

By the time I said head, Hidan was swearing his little albino head off. Just for you, dear readers, I'll censor the worst parts.

"What the hell, you **marshmallow banana**? Stop **lolzorz** singing that Jashin awful song before I rip out your **moo**ing innards and **roflcopter **your dead body!" ranted Hidan. I could _feel _the anger rolling off of Stitches over there…

"Hidan, shut your mouth, before I stitch it closed," he growled, shooting the swearing Hidan an angry glance with those Christmas-y colored eyes of his. That gave me an idea.

"_You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch._

_You've got termites in your smile! _

_You're as cuddly as a cactus-"_

Mean Kakuzu didn't let me finish. His scary hand connected by his scary rape-tentacles shot out, wrapping around my throat and squeezing. That was sure to leave bruises on my neck.

Stitches need not say anything. Due to the fear that he was going to crush my windpipe that probably showed in my eyes. I began wheezing to fight for breath, and Kakuzu released me. I fell to the ground on my knees, coughing. Hidan was laughing, but then seemed surprised that I had the gusto to look up, glare at him, and flip him off.

Getting shakily to my feet, I sniffed indignantly. "Well. Are we going to get going or not?" I barked. Kakuzu gave me an offhanded shrug, turning and beginning to walk once more. Hidan gave him a look, before walking slightly behind him, with me bringing up the rear a yard behind. At least I could keep an eye out for any ambushes! Not really.

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O

As temperatures and night fell, we decided to stop when my inconsistent shivering began rattling the rope in Kakuzu's hand. It wasn't my fault I was dressed in only jeans, a t-shirt, converse, and a light beige jacket when I, quote un-quote, 'died'.

Plopping down gratefully beside the fire Kakuzu lit up; I rubbed my hands and let myself warm, releasing a sigh as my joints warmed. Cold weather always made my elbows and knees stiffen. It was a liability I inherited from my father.

Thinking about him made my eyes begin to sting with tears. Letting out a low hiss, I stubbornly wiped my eyes, forcing those depressing thoughts to the basement of my mind, which was infested with spiders and rats and old magazines and creepy dolls. Plus the light was broken, so I didn't want to dwell in the imaginary basement of my mind.

"Bitch, why the fuck are you crying?" Hidan asked, rather loudly. I looked up, staring blankly at him. When he yelled at me for an answer, I only glared at him

"How would you feel if you were forced from your family in a way you wouldn't know about, and then was thrust into an unfamiliar place, and directly into the arms of sociopaths with ego problems?" I snapped. Hidan didn't seem at all effected by my answer. In fact, he only grinned.

"I wouldn't care," he answered, along with a smirk that made me want to punch him right in the face. So I did. He fell back in surprise, clutching his bleeding nose and swearing at me at the top of his lungs. Kakuzu, who was watching this all unfold, chuckled, causing us both to turn our heads and stare at him. This even made Hidan stop his incoherent rambling.

"What the hell, Stitches? Did you just _chuckle_?" I asked.

Kakuzu only glared at me, not appreciating my nickname, and turned his attention grumpily back to the fire. Well then, you stingy little-

A slight swish, a sting in my cheek, and a small _thunk _cut off my angry thoughts toward the miser. A dagger like weapon- which I recognized as a kunai- was embedded into a tree, just about inches from Hidan's head. Apparently his angry swearing earlier alerted any other shinobi nearby. Feeling my cheek sting again, I pressed my hand to my cheek, pulling away and looking at the blood coating my fingers. I felt like I was going to faint. I was never good with seeing my own blood.

Kakuzu was up in a flash, him tackling my person to the ground none-too-gently as another barrage of very pointy objects flew where my head was a second ago. Hidan, swearing his head off again, leaped to his feet and drew his scythe, fractured, if not possibly broken, nose forgotten.

Kakuzu got off of me, turning to face the troop of ten or so ninja who faced us. I didn't see any headbands or anything, so their identity was a mystery. Getting back to my feet, I rubbed my sore back, looking curiously at the ninja. They were all dressed identically, in bright white clothing, with black plates on their shoulders, chests, and legs. One of them stepped forward boldly. I could tell he was the leader or something, because he had this green sash that none of the others had.

"Good of you to make your presence known, Akatsuki scum," he spat, glaring at the three of us. His eyes lingered on me for a fraction of a second, probably because of my lack of a cloak, or my chakra, or my clothing. It could be my shockingly good looks for all I know. His stare was creepy, and his gold-colored eyes didn't help at all.

"The Kogane Clan," Kakuzu said, eying the guy with hunger. Maybe the guy was some kind of bounty…?

"Oi, Kakuzu! Isn't that the guy we've been hunting for two months?" he asked sharply. Haha, point one for Maya on the imaginary chalkboard.

Kakuzu shot Hidan the dirtiest look I've seen in all my week of staying in this world. I was surprised Hidan didn't burst into flames. He turned back to face the troop of shinobi, nodding. "Yes, it is. That's Jai Kogane," he said in that gruff voice of his. I wasn't following any of this.

"What?" I asked, rather blandly, causing Kakuzu to look at me, roll his eyes, and look away. Well thanks for the help, Stitches.

Suddenly, the little group of shinobi sprang forward, holding multiple sharp and pointy objects in their hands. The guy named Jai had a staff-like object, about as long as his body, with long blades attached to the ends.

I was ready to get down on my knees and thank them for saving me from the homicidal albino and his stingy companion, but one of them chucked a pointy shuriken at my head. I squeaked, running off to the side just in time to avoid a big hole in my head.

"Hey, you stupid werewolves, I'm not the enemy here! Don't attack _me_; I'm just a helpless bystander!" I yelled, shaking my fist angrily in their direction. I called them werewolves because of their gold eyes. Haha. Get it? Were- ah that's not even funny.

"Hidan, take the girl," Kakuzu snapped, causing Hidan to groan in protest. Here we go again with the inability to learn names… Hidan scooped me up, none too gently I might put in, and hoisted me over his shoulder, somehow managing to fight off ninja with one hand, but keep me up on my shoulder.

"Hidan, if you try anything with me, I swear if I get out of this alive, you'll be missing something very important to you. And I'm not talking about your scythe or anything," I threatened. I felt Hidan's shoulders bounce up and down. He was _laughing_. So I dug my elbows into an uncomfortable spot in his back.

Hidan's bouncing around whilst fighting and fleeing to get me somewhere where I wouldn't be damaged was making me sick, and I was about ready to barf all over him, even though he'd probably kill me. Lucky for him he set me down in the shadow of a tree, and formed some hand signs, before leaping back away to help his partner. That was probably something to keep me in place. Just to prove my theory, he called over his shoulder, "That was a jutsu to keep you in place. If you move five feet from that tree, you'll be electrocuted!" Yep. Score two for Maya.

Well, now I had nothing to do. I sat, rather angrily, tapping my foot and waiting for the sociopaths or Konoha shinobi to come whisk me away like in fanfictions. That was not going to happen anytime soon, sadly.

Apparently some ninja had seen Hidan drop me off by my friend Bob the Oak Tree, Bot for short. There were three of them, one of them pointed me out, and began running towards me in such a way I thought he was going to kill me.

Letting out a gasp in fear of my own life, I through my hands out in front of me, willing for the guy who was probably going to kill me or kidnap me to fly away via magical powers. Then I heard a small _woosh _as something flew through the air, and the guy gave a strangled cry as he flew into a tree. The other two looked at me in surprise, and I looked down at my hands with an expression that matched theirs.

"What the fuck?" I cried, surprised I could _do _that. The other two shinobi rushed towards me, and I held my hand out again, once more willing for them to fly away like that other guy. Apparently my new-found magic powers complied, both of them flying into the first guy. I smiled triumphantly, getting to my feet, ready to defend myself.

I turned as I heard someone approaching, and watched as Hidan and Kakuzu, carrying the body of poor Jai Kogane. Oh well, not my problem.

They both looked up, towards the three unconscious people and the tree that was laying half on top of them. Hidan was first to question me.

"What the fuck did you do, bitch?" he snapped, looking between me and the wreckage of my tiny little battle.

I heard a small voice whisper in the back of my head, a voice that did not belong to me. _Lie, _it said.

"They saw me, and they were going to attack me, but that tree fell on them," I said. That was a half-truth, even though _I _was the cause of the fallen tree. Hidan observed me skeptically, then shrugged, doing some hand signs to break the jutsu that kept me in place. Kakuzu was too wrapped-up in his victory and his bounty to care.

I walked over to them, sighing heavily. I felt really drained after that, and the sun was beginning to peek over the treetops. I had gone a full night without sleep, and I think me blasting three people into a tree didn't help, either.

Fatigued, I dragged my feet after the two homicidal maniacs, walking beside Hidan, who had my rope leash, and I wanted to be as far away from that bloody corpse as possible.

_Me: *gasp* Maya has magical powers now! Hurrah! But look out, viewers. *dim lights and scary voice* There's a lot more to come. An unknown being begins haunting Maya's dreams, while she gets more trouble from the Akatsuki. Also, I'll try to update more frequently, and with longer chapters._

_Kakuzu: Don't._

_Me: Aww. You're just pissy that you have to join into the show now. Anyway, tune in next time! *waves, while beating Hidan with a rubber chicken*_


	6. In Which I Get a Cat

_YES. I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO THIS CHAPTER. GOD. I had writers block right in the middle of it, dammit. Oh well. Enjoy!_

Chapter 6

"Hidan?" Guess who.

"What do you want, bitch?" How polite.

"Will you carry me?" Insert irresistible puppy-dog eyes here.

"Fuck no." Such a party pooper.

And that, my dear readers, was a lovely conversation between the Albino and me. I hadn't gotten a wink of shut-eye since our little run in with the shinobi, and I think blasting people to kingdom come didn't help at all. My feet were currently snoring, my arms had curled under their imaginary covers, and the rest of my body is currently on the floor, drooling. I was so damn tired.

"Could we at least stop before I pass out from exhaustion? Then you'll _have _to carry me, Hidan," I remarked, placing my hands on my hips.

"Hell no, we aren't stopping. Fucking deal with it, bitch!" Hidan snapped. I stared at him, my mind having a hard time coming up with witty comebacks because of its total tiredness that was akin to near-death. Then I finally responded.

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Both of you shut up. I'm not in the mood to deal with either of your whining, so we'll stop," Kakuzu barked at us. Aw, I knew he did care about me, somewhere deep, deep down inside of one of those five hearts of his. "Don't take too long, time is money." Maybe not.

"YES! Thank you, Scrooge!" I cheered, before plonking (Note: Plonking is a made-up word) my rear-end down upon the grass, curling up underneath a tree. "Wake me up whenever," I snapped to them, curling up into a ball and quickly falling asleep.

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O

"Maya…" came the voice, echoing. I frowned, shifting slightly.

"Maya…" That voice again, only more persistent. How annoying.

"Nngh. Five more minutes, mom," I muttered, rolling onto my side.

"Maya, quickly, the manga-store is running out of Naruto volumes!" the voice said. Clever voice.

I sat up straight, back erect, eyes darting around in slight fear. "They are? No! I'm missing volume twenty!" I screamed. Then I realized: there was no manga store! The stupid voice was lying to me.

"Hey, who are you?" I called, looking around. I was in a field, littered with flowers and the occasional stunted tree. I got to my feet, frowning. This wasn't where I left off with Stitches and Albino. "Where are you? What the hell do you want?" I snapped, swearing to God if someone kidnapped me (again) I would flip a shit on them.

"Over here," came the voice. It sounded like it was coming from a tree, which was hunched over, sending a shadow over the ground. The voice belonged to a man, with a slight accent of which I could not identify. The voice had this air to it, this hoity-toity air that I was skeptical about.

I sighed, walking over to the tree. Surprisingly, I wasn't at all fatigued anymore. I felt refreshed. As I neared the tree, I glanced over my shoulder, raising an eyebrow. Behind me, there was a trail of white flowers. Every step I took, flowers sprouted out. Man, my dreams were weird, since I identified this as a dream.

I stood in the shadow of the tree, looking around. Nothing. "Dammit, am I hearing voices again?" I grumbled. Then there was the voice once more.

"Up here," it said. I said, turning my gaze up towards the branches in the tree, an eyebrow cocked in waiting. My mouth fell open at the sight.

A big, black cat was perched in the tree, its tail dangling lazily in front of my nose. The cat was about as big as I was, and came up to my shoulder on all fours, and if I were to lie down next to it, it would probably be longer than I was. There were pale silver markings all over its body, in shapes I identified as suns, and moons, and stars. Its eyes were a piercing scarlet, staring down at me without malice, but amusement. But the one thing that really got me were the big, feathery, white wings protruding from its back.

A fucking winged cat. It released this faint sound, a low grumbling, that sounded a lot like laughter to me. "You should close your mouth before you catch flies, Maya," it purred.

My mouth snapped closed, and I glared at the feline. "How do you know my name? Who are you?" I asked. The cat jumped down, landing with silence, despite his size.

The cat, which I determined as male, touched his tail to his chest, bending one paw and placing his snout low to the ground in a bow. "I am Asen, Black Panther, and your familiar," he said, before lifting his head straight up.

"Familiar? Isn't that for like, witches, or something?" I asked, very much confused. The panther gave another rumbling laugh.

"Only in some cases, Maya, I am here to aid you," Asen said, sitting on his haunches, and thus becoming a full head taller than me.

"Uh… Aid me?" I asked, tilting my head to the side in apparent confusion. Asen released a sigh.

"Yes, aid you. Along with your abilities, I was placed into your conscious. Your mind has become very powerful during your transfer between dimensions, and can turn imagination, into reality," the panther told me, looking at me blankly.

"Wait, so, I can make stuff I think up of _real_?" I asked him, mouth open once more.

"Yes, you can, and stop gaping at me," Asen hissed, lashing his tail. "Your powers can range from what I just told you, to telekinesis. Thus you being able to move things only with the will to," he said. I nodded.

"So, how do I make things from my imagination real?" I asked him. He gave a little kitty-chuckle.

"I knew you would ask that. First, picture what you want to come into reality. Second, concentrate very hard. Imagine how it would feel, act, look, taste, all of that stuff." he instructed me. Wordlessly, I obeyed. I had in my mind a donut. Don't judge me, I was craving donuts.

"Then, force it from your mind. Imagine you pushing the object out of a door, which leads into reality. Since this is a dream, it will be there when you wake up," he said, as I opened my eyes, completing the instructions. I felt my mouth watering. I couldn't wait for that chocolaty ring of fried dough.

"I want it now," I pouted. "And another question; if I want to summon you, do I just do the same thing?" I asked. Asen shook his head.

"No. Just call for me, and I will come," he said. "Now it is time for you to rejoin the waking world. We have a mind connection, just in case you wish to speak to me," he said, bowing his head. He stretched out those feathery wings of his; wrapping one around me and pulling me close to his side. He was warm.

"Close your eyes, Maya," he whispered to me. I obliged, burying my face into his soft fur. So fuzzy…

"Now open them." When I did, soft fur was replaced with itchy grass. I sat up straight, grumbling. Then I noticed something. Sitting innocently in my lap, was the promised chocolaty donut. I laughed, digging into the poor pastry until all that was left was a few crumbs.

I looked around, spying Kakuzu who was too busy staring blankly into the fire to notice my donuticide. Hidan was lying on the ground, snoring loudly. How attractive, note the sarcasm.

"Oh, you're awake," Kakuzu said gruffly. I scoffed.

"Good morning to you too, Scrooge," I retorted, causing the stingy man to glare at me. Then he got up, and kicked Hidan sharply in the side of the head.

"Ow- what the hell! Fuck you Kakuzu!" Hidan snapped. I fell over, clutching my sides and laughing. Oh, Hidan's face was just too funny. I wish I had a camera, because that was a _total _Kodak moment.

"Stop laughing, you two-faced bitch!" Hidan bellowed, flailing his arms in a comical fashion. I rolled my eyes, making like Kakuzu and ignoring the albino. I wondered if I could talk to Asen…

_Testing, one-two-one-two. Come in Asen- over! _I called mentally. I waited for a few moments, before there was an unamused sigh. A sigh that did _not _belong to me.

_Is that really a good way to talk for our telepathy, Maya? You sound ridiculous, _came the mental reply. I giggled, which earned me weird looks from our two favorite immortals.

_Yes! And you didn't say over, you party pooper. Anyways, I was just testing our connection. Good to see it works! _I responded, complete with a mental salute. _By the way, is our connection like AT&T? Do we have bars? If we were to go up a mountain or something would we lose connection?_

I heard Asen sigh- again. Wow, I must really be ditzy. This is how I normally act around people I enjoy being around. If I don't like you, I will be mean, sarcastic, and a downright grump 97% of the time.

_No. Our connection will never be severed, unless one of us dies. If I die, you will get a different familiar. If you die, I die too. So, don't die._

I smiled, giggling again, causing Stitches and Albino to look at me again. "Are you insane or something? What are you laughing at?" Hidan snapped. Wow, not one curse word in those two sentences. Good job, Hidan! I wish I had a golden-star sticker.

"I'm laughing at you, Hidan. Your face is so weird looking it's hilarious." I replied dryly, holding my chin high and ignoring Hidan's angry attempts to strangle me. Luckily Kakuzu was holding him back.

"Don't kill her," he grunted. "She may be annoying, but we need to get her to the base."

"Love you too, Stitches," I sighed, pouting at Kakuzu's lack of love and joy. _Why am I stuck with Scrooge and his wonderful sidekick The Ghost of Jashin's Past? _I could hear Asen laughing from the other end of the line. Good job, Maya; mental pat on the back for getting that stick out of Asen's ass.

I grinned as we walked, causing another weird look from the two of them. I must look insane to them, smiling about nothing in particular. To them, at least.

We walked in silence from then on. Well, not in complete silence. Occasionally Hidan and Kakuzu would have an argument- but I wasn't paying attention. I was busy talking with Asen.

Asen had said that the moment the plane crashed into the World Trade Center, the force of impact had caused an object to fly out of the plane's cargo hold. That object was a katana, one with a handle made out of ivory and a pitch-black blade. That katana was called La Clave, which was Spanish for 'the key'. That one knife had the ability to rip the barrier between dimensions- among other things. Apparently the knife accidently caused a rip in dimensions, and I fell through with it. And this is where we ended up.

_So… Did I die or not? _I asked hesitantly.

_No, you did not. The sound you thought were your bones crunching was actually the sound of the rip closing around you. Then you were in that floating space. The in-between, the blank area that serves as a sort of docking station for dimensions. Wherever your mind goes, the dimension with the closest description to your thoughts is where you will be. _Asen said.

_Ooh. I must have been thinking about the anime Naruto,_ I said. Asen made a small sound of agreement.

_Yes. But La Clave had fallen into the rift with you. That is very, very dangerous, because in the wrong hands it can be very dangerous, _Asen growled, his tone sober. I suppressed a shiver at his voice.

_So, it's up to us to find it. Are we the only ones in the dimension that know of it? _I asked. Asen was quiet for a few moments.

_I don't know. Whatever you do, do not let your traveling companions find out about it. It could cause destruction for many, many dimensions if the Akatsuki got ahold of it. Not just for this one. It is crucial that we find La Clave ourselves._

_In order to do that, we need to get away from the Akatsuki, _I said. I glanced up at the backs of Hidan and Kakuzu, furrowing my brow.

_Yes, and I think I may know how we can do just that, _Asen grumbled. I could hear the smirk in his voice.

_Fill me in, Asen-dear! _I chirped.

"Oi, bitch, stop staring into space. We're stopping for the night," Hidan barked. I glared at him.

"Put a sock in it, Albino," I snapped, sitting down once Kakuzu set up the makeshift fire. Hidan gave me a dirty look, before sitting down also.

_Now then, this is what we have to do…_

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O

Me: And thus, the Akatsuki are the antagonists! Surprised, no? Ohoho, I'm such a genius. Also, welcome Asen-san to the LAD crew! *applause*

Hidan: I'm allergic to cats, dammit!

Me: Oh shut your trap, Albino. Anyways, tune in next time!

Chapter 7 Preview

Next time on LAD, Maya and Asen's escape plan goes underway. Also, the panther appears to be hiding something from Maya. What could it be?

Me: TUNE IN NEXT TIME, HERE IN LAD! Reviews are wonderful. Toodles~!


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